Does this sound familiar? You've got your comfy PJs on, your pillow just right, snuggled up with your spouse or partner, feeling nice and relaxed, and you weigh your options to either curl up and enter that sweet REM cycle or make a move and spark some romance. But before you get a chance to make a decision, your little one is standing next to the bed complaining of a bad dream. Okay, you have two options:
One, you could grab your little dear, pull him into bed (of course, right in the middle creating that inconvenient barrier between you and your spouse), cuddle, assure him that he's safe, and lull him to sleep with that familiar repititious snore. Hence, creating a little munchkin bedroom takeover. Next thing you know, he's 6,7, even 8 years old and unable to securely sleep in his own bed. And of course, this eliminates the chances of you and your spouse having a healthy intimate relationship.
Your second option is to pick up your little darling, guide him back to his bed, discuss the bad dream, and reassure he is safe. Read him a book, sing a song, talk about good dreams, fun plans you have for the next day, which teaches him how to tackle his fear and feel comfortable and secure in his own space. Hence, reclaiming your bedroom. Boundaries need to be created early to solidify the rules and learn these valuable lessons simply.
If your personal, intimate space has already been taken over, then reclaiming your territory will not be easy. You, as a parent, have created a habit for your child that takes time to break, but in the end so worth it for all relationships.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
What to Expect When You're Way Past Expecting
Okay, we all read the book when we were blissfully expecting our bundle of joy that eased our anxiety, gave helpful tips, and coached us through the process. But where's the how-to book that explains what to expect when you've got these little bundles of joy crawling, walking, or even driving circles around you?
One of the most common mistakes I see parents make revolves around the expectations they have for their kids no matter the age. If you expect your two-year old to sit quietly through dinner at a restaurant, not gonna happen. You're obviously expecting too much. If you expect your teen to grasp the concept and appreciate all that you have sacrificed for them as a parent, again not gonna happen until they themselves grow up, live, and learn. Both are examples where parents have set themselves and their children up for failure because their expectations are not realistic for the average kid. Children feel confused or lost and parents tend to feel angry or disappointed.
Having said that, pushing your children to do and be their best is vital, but when you continue to create these unachievable expectations no one wins or succeeds. Enjoy your bundles of joy. When he's using his spaghetti to make silly faces for the other patrons and cries when you scold him, chalk it up to creativity and building his personality. When your teen slams her door, refuses to talk, and cannot fathom why you don't have the time or resources to buy her a new dance dress, know that with time the appreciation and understanding will surface.
Eventually they will grow, mature, and meet all those expectations, but in the meantime enjoy the adventure and learn what to realistically expect when you're way past expecting.
One of the most common mistakes I see parents make revolves around the expectations they have for their kids no matter the age. If you expect your two-year old to sit quietly through dinner at a restaurant, not gonna happen. You're obviously expecting too much. If you expect your teen to grasp the concept and appreciate all that you have sacrificed for them as a parent, again not gonna happen until they themselves grow up, live, and learn. Both are examples where parents have set themselves and their children up for failure because their expectations are not realistic for the average kid. Children feel confused or lost and parents tend to feel angry or disappointed.
Having said that, pushing your children to do and be their best is vital, but when you continue to create these unachievable expectations no one wins or succeeds. Enjoy your bundles of joy. When he's using his spaghetti to make silly faces for the other patrons and cries when you scold him, chalk it up to creativity and building his personality. When your teen slams her door, refuses to talk, and cannot fathom why you don't have the time or resources to buy her a new dance dress, know that with time the appreciation and understanding will surface.
Eventually they will grow, mature, and meet all those expectations, but in the meantime enjoy the adventure and learn what to realistically expect when you're way past expecting.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Are You the Bully?
Now that school is back and rolling along the topic of bullying is a popular discussion, but let's think of this scenario in a relationship perspective. Are you are bully in your marriage? When you think of a bully, the mental picture painted is usually the big kid on the play ground verbally picking on an innocent victim and stealing his lunch money, leaving that poor little guy or girl feeling defenseless and angry.
In an ideal world a relationship would resemble a cooperative team, where you both work at an equal level to achieve the same goal: success. At times even in a relationship a power struggle can develop causing one partner to pick on the other to demonstrate power and boost their self-confidence. Have you ever had an argument with your partner and absolutely refused to budge on the verdict, as well as refused to even listen to their complaint and even became angry, irritated, and frustrated when they dared to bring up the topic? Yep, that was bullying. To prove your power and seniority you picked on your partner like the play ground bully, took away their possibility of a compromise (lunch money), and left them feeling helpless and of course angry.
Here's your ah-ha moment. Even the bully can learn a lesson from his mistake and become a team player. When an inner struggle of self-worth, self-esteem, or self-confidence arises be aware of who's on your side, team up and enjoy the play times in life.
In an ideal world a relationship would resemble a cooperative team, where you both work at an equal level to achieve the same goal: success. At times even in a relationship a power struggle can develop causing one partner to pick on the other to demonstrate power and boost their self-confidence. Have you ever had an argument with your partner and absolutely refused to budge on the verdict, as well as refused to even listen to their complaint and even became angry, irritated, and frustrated when they dared to bring up the topic? Yep, that was bullying. To prove your power and seniority you picked on your partner like the play ground bully, took away their possibility of a compromise (lunch money), and left them feeling helpless and of course angry.
Here's your ah-ha moment. Even the bully can learn a lesson from his mistake and become a team player. When an inner struggle of self-worth, self-esteem, or self-confidence arises be aware of who's on your side, team up and enjoy the play times in life.
Friday, August 5, 2011
School Days Are Here Again
Back to school means big changes for some. Whether it be having to get used to and comfortable with a brand new teacher, facing the first day of school as the "little fish in a big pond", or even having to make the adjustment from parent of a teen to parent of a college student. Autumn brings about change and transformation for so many families, and with these differences come stress and fear.
Kids deal with this fear and anxiety in several ways. Don't be surprised if your little one visits the time-out stool a few extra times before school starts or even comes up with one of those ill-timed stomach or headaches the first day of school. Adjusting can be difficult for these little ones, and while they may not recognize what they're feeling and why you can be aware, understanding, and help ease their fears of the unknown.
Walking into high school for the first time and trying to figure out where to go, who's the cool kid, and what teachers to avoid can be overwhleming. I'm sure you remember those days when you wish you could have stayed under the safety of your covers and never face the bullies. These are prime times for acne break outs and even more hair-pulling mood swings which require much patience and empathy on the part of the parent.
And of course, for some Fall brings the realization that your baby is all grown up, and it doesn't hit you until you're standing in their dorm room surrounded by giddy co-eds and explaining for the hundreth time how to operate the machines at the laundry mat. Don't be surprised if you find yourself walking around the house, fighting back tears, and looking for dirty dishes to clean and music to turn down. These times may be the most difficult, but also the most life changing. Now's the time to find yourself not as mom/dad, but as a person.
School days are here again! Are you ready?
Kids deal with this fear and anxiety in several ways. Don't be surprised if your little one visits the time-out stool a few extra times before school starts or even comes up with one of those ill-timed stomach or headaches the first day of school. Adjusting can be difficult for these little ones, and while they may not recognize what they're feeling and why you can be aware, understanding, and help ease their fears of the unknown.
Walking into high school for the first time and trying to figure out where to go, who's the cool kid, and what teachers to avoid can be overwhleming. I'm sure you remember those days when you wish you could have stayed under the safety of your covers and never face the bullies. These are prime times for acne break outs and even more hair-pulling mood swings which require much patience and empathy on the part of the parent.
And of course, for some Fall brings the realization that your baby is all grown up, and it doesn't hit you until you're standing in their dorm room surrounded by giddy co-eds and explaining for the hundreth time how to operate the machines at the laundry mat. Don't be surprised if you find yourself walking around the house, fighting back tears, and looking for dirty dishes to clean and music to turn down. These times may be the most difficult, but also the most life changing. Now's the time to find yourself not as mom/dad, but as a person.
School days are here again! Are you ready?
Friday, July 22, 2011
It's Time to Push!
Goal-setting is a wonderful way to motivate yourself and see progress in all areas of your life. When thinking about these aspirations, it’s always important to create detailed, objective, obtainable goals just out of your reach and push yourself for success. You’ve heard the saying: “If it was easy everyone would do it.” Now’s your time to shine.
It’s helpful to have a “push partner” as well. Teamwork can generate accountability, positive reinforcement for your efforts, and of course venting sessions when you’ve hit a rough patch. Finding someone who has a similar vision or target can keep you on track and form a little constructive competition. If your goal is to lose weight, find an exercise buddy. If your goal is parent related, join a parenting group.
Sadly, I’m losing my own push partner in the near future and now realizing how effective it has been to have someone with the same vision dreaming with me, laboring with me, motivating me, overall pushing me, and reaching those goals with me. I highly recommend one!
It’s helpful to have a “push partner” as well. Teamwork can generate accountability, positive reinforcement for your efforts, and of course venting sessions when you’ve hit a rough patch. Finding someone who has a similar vision or target can keep you on track and form a little constructive competition. If your goal is to lose weight, find an exercise buddy. If your goal is parent related, join a parenting group.
Sadly, I’m losing my own push partner in the near future and now realizing how effective it has been to have someone with the same vision dreaming with me, laboring with me, motivating me, overall pushing me, and reaching those goals with me. I highly recommend one!
Mother-Daughter Dynamic
What is it about the infamous mother/daughter duo that creates such friction? Is it because we are too similar? Too different? Some sort of unconscious, Freudian rivalry? I wish I had an answer... I'm sure there would be a bestseller in the works to cure all mother/daughter tangles. So how do we take a relationship that has so many underlying snarls, nourish it, and create an amazing mother & daughter crime-fighting, cookie-baking, man-taming team?
I think the initial key is perspective. Obviously, coming from seperate generations and different milestones in life it may be strenuous to see the other's perspective and understand their point of view no matter the situation (or argument). This ability is difficult to master in any working relationship, but throw in a double deck of female hormones and it gets down right impossible.
While I don't have an extensive answer to this age old question or simple step by step solution, I will leave all you moms and daughters with this: Patience is truly a virtue and respect is most definitely earned. Have patience with your mom/kiddo no matter how old or young they are and respect their opinion and position... even when you adamantly disagree.
I think the initial key is perspective. Obviously, coming from seperate generations and different milestones in life it may be strenuous to see the other's perspective and understand their point of view no matter the situation (or argument). This ability is difficult to master in any working relationship, but throw in a double deck of female hormones and it gets down right impossible.
While I don't have an extensive answer to this age old question or simple step by step solution, I will leave all you moms and daughters with this: Patience is truly a virtue and respect is most definitely earned. Have patience with your mom/kiddo no matter how old or young they are and respect their opinion and position... even when you adamantly disagree.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
In-Laws...... Aaagghhh!
In-laws… aaaagggghhhhh!!!! Okay, so I’m exaggerating my frustration, but the topic of in-laws has been known to spark some pretty intense emotions. I must preface this by saying I have the most precious in-laws imaginable, but even marrying into an ideal family there are always difficulties.
They say men choose a partner similar to their mother and women pick a man similar to their father. Let’s flip this around and from the mother-in-laws perspective imagine spending 20+ years devoted to your child, meeting their every need, creating so many wonderful memories, molding that person into the adult they have become just to see them choose a younger version of you and vow to spend the rest of their life with that person. Next thing you know they leave the safety of your home and make their own and their own family with your replacement. Granted there is obviously a different type of relationship and level of intimacy, but nevertheless your baby has chosen another to love unconditionally and gone. Yikes, no wonder the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law relationship is so tense. And my goodness, think of that poor young man stuck between the love of his life and his mother.
It’s extremely difficult to create a healthy distance from your family of origin, learn to create your own family dynamic, and maintain a strong relationship with the in-laws. Have patience with your mother-in-law next time she insists on having Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other major/minor holiday at her house. Remember it is okay to set some boundaries and allow your family to create traditions of their own, but keep in mind and appreciate the sacrifice your spouse’s parents make to allow you that healthy distance.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Ditch the Kids and Go!
It's summer time and that means vacation time! Here's a thought: plan a quick getaway for just the two of you. Yes, that means ditch the kiddos and go. I know there's a guilt factor that weighs heavy for some, but as they say: "If momma (or daddy) ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
As a basic rule in relationships, you must prioritize your relationship with your partner and in doing so you, your spouse, and the kids will benefit and thrive. Most often parents get caught up in their children's activities, needs, and playing the role of mom and dad in general and slowly neglect their role as wife or husband. You are your children's main model of what a healthy relationship looks like, so teach them well and show them how important it is to maintain a close connection.
Do it for the kids. Plan a mini-vacation and let the kids hang out with grandma and grandpa for a few days. After all, wouldn't it be nice to have a quiet meal, maybe a glass of wine and be able to return to a peaceful hotel/home and not wake up to a little munchkin at your bedside asking for breakfast at 6:30 in the morning. And I'm sure your spouse would appreciate your full attention and actual adult conversation as well as some much needed non planned or penciled-in intimacy.
As a basic rule in relationships, you must prioritize your relationship with your partner and in doing so you, your spouse, and the kids will benefit and thrive. Most often parents get caught up in their children's activities, needs, and playing the role of mom and dad in general and slowly neglect their role as wife or husband. You are your children's main model of what a healthy relationship looks like, so teach them well and show them how important it is to maintain a close connection.
Do it for the kids. Plan a mini-vacation and let the kids hang out with grandma and grandpa for a few days. After all, wouldn't it be nice to have a quiet meal, maybe a glass of wine and be able to return to a peaceful hotel/home and not wake up to a little munchkin at your bedside asking for breakfast at 6:30 in the morning. And I'm sure your spouse would appreciate your full attention and actual adult conversation as well as some much needed non planned or penciled-in intimacy.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Psychotropics vs. Psychotherapy
You've heard the story, or maybe you've lived it: someone makes an appointment with their doctor hoping to get that magic "happy pill" that will make their life better. Most often people expect a prescription to instantly lift their mood or calm their anxiety and when it stops working they simply double the dosage and endure the side effects. No doubt there is a scientific perspective to depression and anxiety which psychotropics aid in balancing, but don't forget the emotional aspect of it as well. In most cases when someone is feeling at their rock-bottom or extremely anxious beyond functionability there are events, people, or situations that trigger these negative emotions. That's where psychotherapy comes in. Learning coping skills and becoming more self-aware along with taking mood stabilizers and anti-depressants can work twice as well and cover all scientific and emotional grounds. There is no quick fix or magic pill. Like anything of value it takes work and time, but in the end so worth it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer!
Summertime is here! Like your kids are you giddy with delight that the season of fun is upon us? Probably not, because unlike your kids you have responsibilities, relationships, bills, career, childcare, and everything else to deal with that comes with adult life. Oh, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a whole season devoted to sunshine, video games, and sleeping in. Dream on, but in the meantime you can still enjoy some summer fun!
Learn how to play again. Despite all the real-world stressors that comes with life, there's always time for some good, old-fashioned fun. Enjoy time with your family and introduce a new board game to the household, let your guard down, and be silly for awhile. Or go to the park, and instead of sitting on the bench and watching, join in and work up a sweat, then reward the family with snowcones. You can always end the day with a homemade tent in the livingroom fully loaded with popcorn and a movie.
Enjoy your season of fun!
Learn how to play again. Despite all the real-world stressors that comes with life, there's always time for some good, old-fashioned fun. Enjoy time with your family and introduce a new board game to the household, let your guard down, and be silly for awhile. Or go to the park, and instead of sitting on the bench and watching, join in and work up a sweat, then reward the family with snowcones. You can always end the day with a homemade tent in the livingroom fully loaded with popcorn and a movie.
Enjoy your season of fun!
Friday, May 20, 2011
6 Key Steps for Healthy Communication
1. Think Before You Speak:
Always know what you want to say and how you want to say it, or better yet, how you want it to be perceived.
2. Be Aware of Non-Verbals:
Be aware also that communication consists of visual cues as well. Good eye contact, calm posture and facial expressions can aid in creating a smooth conversation with less self-defense.3. Pick the Time and Place:
You wouldn’t propose at a McDonald’s would you? Then you probably don’t want to hold a serious conversation in the wrong setting either.4. Listen:
After you have said your peace, wait and listen for accurate feedback and cues that ensure comprehension. If your point was not perceived correctly the first time don’t get frustrated. Communication is a two-way street, try again.5. Take a Time Out:
Time outs are not just for the kids. When an intense conversation becomes a bit heated, avoid saying something you will regret. Take a break from the situation, cool down, and return when you both are ready and able.6. Come to an Agreement:
Once you have been able to discuss your point and understand the other’s perspective, come to a common conclusion. You can even agree to disagreeWednesday, May 11, 2011
On the Offense, Not the Defense!
Defense mechanisms are techniques we use during stressful, angry, overwhelming, or guilty situations, and most commonly used in relationships as a way to maintain self-image and avoid a painful reality. Some of these may sound familiar to you, so which defensive play do you call when you're trying to cope or avoid painful emotions?
DENIAL- Denying that a painful event occurred or a problem exists is the most primitive and simplistic of the defense mechanisms. “We’re fine. Never been happier!”
RATIONALIZATION- How often have you made an excuse for something you did, or said knowing it was wrong? Rationalizing helps ease the guilt factor.
DISPLACEMENT- One of the most popular ways to cope with anger or stress is to take it out on someone else. For instance, say you had a horrible day at work and would really like to tell your boss “take this job and shove it”, but instead you go home and yell at your spouse for not taking out the trash.
PROJECTION- “They’re the ones with the problem.” Blaming others for your own destructive thoughts takes the bulls-eye off your back in an attempt to save your self-image.
REGRESSION- When your teenager, or even in extreme cases your adult spouse begins acting like your two-year old when they don’t get their way they are simply regressing to a rudimentary form of coping.
REACTION FORMATION- Kill them with kindness, would be another way to explain it. Some are unable to acknowledge or express their own anger or negativity, so in turn they act the complete opposite, masking their destructive thoughts.
REPRESSION- Burying one's negative thoughts or memories is one of the most controversial mechanisms, as it is thought to be done unconsciously and is uncontrolled, protecting yourself from trauma. Maybe not a defense mechanism used in everyday activity, but repression should still be acknowledged.
COMPENSATION- “My house may be a mess, but my family and I have lots of fun.” Playing up one attribute to overcompensate for the lack of another is very popular. And this does not only pertain to bedroom jokes, but also in everyday life to avoid a negative reality.
DENIAL- Denying that a painful event occurred or a problem exists is the most primitive and simplistic of the defense mechanisms. “We’re fine. Never been happier!”
RATIONALIZATION- How often have you made an excuse for something you did, or said knowing it was wrong? Rationalizing helps ease the guilt factor.
DISPLACEMENT- One of the most popular ways to cope with anger or stress is to take it out on someone else. For instance, say you had a horrible day at work and would really like to tell your boss “take this job and shove it”, but instead you go home and yell at your spouse for not taking out the trash.
PROJECTION- “They’re the ones with the problem.” Blaming others for your own destructive thoughts takes the bulls-eye off your back in an attempt to save your self-image.
REGRESSION- When your teenager, or even in extreme cases your adult spouse begins acting like your two-year old when they don’t get their way they are simply regressing to a rudimentary form of coping.
REACTION FORMATION- Kill them with kindness, would be another way to explain it. Some are unable to acknowledge or express their own anger or negativity, so in turn they act the complete opposite, masking their destructive thoughts.
REPRESSION- Burying one's negative thoughts or memories is one of the most controversial mechanisms, as it is thought to be done unconsciously and is uncontrolled, protecting yourself from trauma. Maybe not a defense mechanism used in everyday activity, but repression should still be acknowledged.
COMPENSATION- “My house may be a mess, but my family and I have lots of fun.” Playing up one attribute to overcompensate for the lack of another is very popular. And this does not only pertain to bedroom jokes, but also in everyday life to avoid a negative reality.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Bubble Theory
As a proud "bubble", given the name by a very grumpy English AP teacher in high school, allow me to share my Bubble Theory.
First of all, the term bubble is loosely defined in this article as one who is naively optimistic with a simplistic, hopeful spirit regarding life and people in general. The Bubble Theory states that if a person shares in this basic simplicity and optimism in various aspects of their life, they unknowlingly surround themselves with similar positive people and events, and in turn, reap the rewards adn succeed in relationships, self-esteem, career, etc. Another name for this way of thinking is positive psychology: if you think good thoughts, good things will happen (in the most basic of terms).
Let's take a moment and become acquainted with the bubble state of mind. Take a deep breath, smile (truly smile, ear to ear, and love it), and let's think about what's going on in your life. Focus on the basic joys and blessings in your life and be grateful for a moment (spouse/loved one, family, knowledge, health, home, support, memories). Maybe your list is a mile long or maybe you have only a few basic delights, regardless enjoy them. Now think about what's in your near future. Everyone should have something they're looking forward to, so what is that for you (trip, visit, change, family, rest...)?
We all have things we would like to change in our life and this ambition is healthy, but it's nice to just take a moment and appreciate what you have and who you are. Life is good, isn't it? Enjoy what you have. Enjoy what's to come. And smile!
First of all, the term bubble is loosely defined in this article as one who is naively optimistic with a simplistic, hopeful spirit regarding life and people in general. The Bubble Theory states that if a person shares in this basic simplicity and optimism in various aspects of their life, they unknowlingly surround themselves with similar positive people and events, and in turn, reap the rewards adn succeed in relationships, self-esteem, career, etc. Another name for this way of thinking is positive psychology: if you think good thoughts, good things will happen (in the most basic of terms).
Let's take a moment and become acquainted with the bubble state of mind. Take a deep breath, smile (truly smile, ear to ear, and love it), and let's think about what's going on in your life. Focus on the basic joys and blessings in your life and be grateful for a moment (spouse/loved one, family, knowledge, health, home, support, memories). Maybe your list is a mile long or maybe you have only a few basic delights, regardless enjoy them. Now think about what's in your near future. Everyone should have something they're looking forward to, so what is that for you (trip, visit, change, family, rest...)?
We all have things we would like to change in our life and this ambition is healthy, but it's nice to just take a moment and appreciate what you have and who you are. Life is good, isn't it? Enjoy what you have. Enjoy what's to come. And smile!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Power of the D-Word
The D-Word. That dreaded word: DIVORCE. As of now consider it your new "four-letter word", not to be thrown around in the context of an argument.
"Maybe we should just get a divorce."
"I'm through! I want a divorce."
"Why don't you just divorce me then."
How does it feel for one partner to throw that threat out there in the midst of an argument just to be hurtful or even hateful? Too often one party will utter those dreadful words and open that door of possibility. Is it even an option in your marriage? Say the D-Word and it will be. Let’s get hypothetical for a moment. You’re in the middle of a knock-down, drag-out fight with your spouse, at your wits end and cannot even remember what insignificant detail started the argument in the first place. Next thing you know, he/she throws out: “Maybe we should just get a divorce!” Whoa, hold the phone… that’s a possibility now? Does he/she really feel that way? Is that where we’re heading inevitably? The perception of your relationship just changed for the worst and trust is now a major issue. The D-Word has reared its ugly head and opened that door. The fact that a typical marital argument (that we all have) turned into a downward spiral of ‘what-ifs’ could have been avoided. Take a break, timeout, cool-off period. Whatever you and your partner wish to call it- remove yourself from the heated situation before one of you says something that cannot be forgotten or forgiven for that matter. Take some deep breaths, bring it down a notch, and yes, dare I say, come to a compromise. The making-up process can be so much fun and bring a couple closer than ever, so remember fighting is okay. Learn how to express your differences and anger, come to a compromise, and enjoy reaping the benefits of your success as your relationship grows stronger. And avoid the D-Word!
"Maybe we should just get a divorce."
"I'm through! I want a divorce."
"Why don't you just divorce me then."
How does it feel for one partner to throw that threat out there in the midst of an argument just to be hurtful or even hateful? Too often one party will utter those dreadful words and open that door of possibility. Is it even an option in your marriage? Say the D-Word and it will be. Let’s get hypothetical for a moment. You’re in the middle of a knock-down, drag-out fight with your spouse, at your wits end and cannot even remember what insignificant detail started the argument in the first place. Next thing you know, he/she throws out: “Maybe we should just get a divorce!” Whoa, hold the phone… that’s a possibility now? Does he/she really feel that way? Is that where we’re heading inevitably? The perception of your relationship just changed for the worst and trust is now a major issue. The D-Word has reared its ugly head and opened that door. The fact that a typical marital argument (that we all have) turned into a downward spiral of ‘what-ifs’ could have been avoided. Take a break, timeout, cool-off period. Whatever you and your partner wish to call it- remove yourself from the heated situation before one of you says something that cannot be forgotten or forgiven for that matter. Take some deep breaths, bring it down a notch, and yes, dare I say, come to a compromise. The making-up process can be so much fun and bring a couple closer than ever, so remember fighting is okay. Learn how to express your differences and anger, come to a compromise, and enjoy reaping the benefits of your success as your relationship grows stronger. And avoid the D-Word!
Allow Me to Introduce Myself
As a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice, I work with adult individuals, couples, and families and have learned about and observed various dynamics and found that certain issues are, for the most part, universal to all couples or individuals at some point in their life. As a reader of this blog, you gain a bit of professional advice through my experience in working with this population and hopefully learn how to deal with these issues that many, many, many others have faced and tackled. You can look forward to reading about topics regarding Marriage (How to Fight), Parenting (Grocery Store Nightmare), Infidelity (No They Didn’t), Self-Esteem (Yes, I’m That Awesome), Co-parenting (The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far), and much more with your comments, critiques, and suggestions.
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