Imagine for a second a paper plate. Not one of those thin, cheap, crumbles-with-the-weight-of-a-sandwich plates, but a sturdy, durable, dependable for the most part, Dixie plates. Now, can you imagine trying to make even a Dixie plate hold a Thanksgiving-capacity meal, spooning pile after pile of steaming potatoes, gooey gravy, meats of every kind, green beans casserole, salad just for kicks, and topping it off with a few roles and slabs of butter. Even if you carry it with both hands doubled up under the plate for support and walked slowly to the table, the poor plate will still eventually spill over, cave in, or worse yet completely topple over, wasting the entirety of its delectable, scrumptious contents. Bummer...
How many of us get so worn out, exhausted, and just plain ol' run down to the point of absolutely crumbling like that Thanksgiving plate? We've all had that feeling at one time or another when we wonder where we will muster up enough strength to complete the next task. Our life's metaphorical plates get so full with relationship concerns, careers, family stress, finances, community obligations, etc. that even if we can compare ourselves to a Dixie and feel strong, durable, and capable, we have our limit and we can cave in or just crumple under the weight if we are overloaded.
Take a moment and evaluate your life on a plate. Do you feel your knees buckling and afraid that at any moment you'll drop it? What's on your plate, and can you afford to take a spoon full or two of some of the extra stressors off- take a break from your volunteer obligations, try saying no the next time your child's teacher asks you to supply the class with holiday cookies, or ask your husband/wife/friend to take on a few of your daily chores for awhile. Even if your plate is a Dixie, it still has its limits.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Reclaim Your Bedroom: The Munchkin Takeover
Does this sound familiar? You've got your comfy PJs on, your pillow just right, snuggled up with your spouse or partner, feeling nice and relaxed, and you weigh your options to either curl up and enter that sweet REM cycle or make a move and spark some romance. But before you get a chance to make a decision, your little one is standing next to the bed complaining of a bad dream. Okay, you have two options:
One, you could grab your little dear, pull him into bed (of course, right in the middle creating that inconvenient barrier between you and your spouse), cuddle, assure him that he's safe, and lull him to sleep with that familiar repititious snore. Hence, creating a little munchkin bedroom takeover. Next thing you know, he's 6,7, even 8 years old and unable to securely sleep in his own bed. And of course, this eliminates the chances of you and your spouse having a healthy intimate relationship.
Your second option is to pick up your little darling, guide him back to his bed, discuss the bad dream, and reassure he is safe. Read him a book, sing a song, talk about good dreams, fun plans you have for the next day, which teaches him how to tackle his fear and feel comfortable and secure in his own space. Hence, reclaiming your bedroom. Boundaries need to be created early to solidify the rules and learn these valuable lessons simply.
If your personal, intimate space has already been taken over, then reclaiming your territory will not be easy. You, as a parent, have created a habit for your child that takes time to break, but in the end so worth it for all relationships.
One, you could grab your little dear, pull him into bed (of course, right in the middle creating that inconvenient barrier between you and your spouse), cuddle, assure him that he's safe, and lull him to sleep with that familiar repititious snore. Hence, creating a little munchkin bedroom takeover. Next thing you know, he's 6,7, even 8 years old and unable to securely sleep in his own bed. And of course, this eliminates the chances of you and your spouse having a healthy intimate relationship.
Your second option is to pick up your little darling, guide him back to his bed, discuss the bad dream, and reassure he is safe. Read him a book, sing a song, talk about good dreams, fun plans you have for the next day, which teaches him how to tackle his fear and feel comfortable and secure in his own space. Hence, reclaiming your bedroom. Boundaries need to be created early to solidify the rules and learn these valuable lessons simply.
If your personal, intimate space has already been taken over, then reclaiming your territory will not be easy. You, as a parent, have created a habit for your child that takes time to break, but in the end so worth it for all relationships.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
What to Expect When You're Way Past Expecting
Okay, we all read the book when we were blissfully expecting our bundle of joy that eased our anxiety, gave helpful tips, and coached us through the process. But where's the how-to book that explains what to expect when you've got these little bundles of joy crawling, walking, or even driving circles around you?
One of the most common mistakes I see parents make revolves around the expectations they have for their kids no matter the age. If you expect your two-year old to sit quietly through dinner at a restaurant, not gonna happen. You're obviously expecting too much. If you expect your teen to grasp the concept and appreciate all that you have sacrificed for them as a parent, again not gonna happen until they themselves grow up, live, and learn. Both are examples where parents have set themselves and their children up for failure because their expectations are not realistic for the average kid. Children feel confused or lost and parents tend to feel angry or disappointed.
Having said that, pushing your children to do and be their best is vital, but when you continue to create these unachievable expectations no one wins or succeeds. Enjoy your bundles of joy. When he's using his spaghetti to make silly faces for the other patrons and cries when you scold him, chalk it up to creativity and building his personality. When your teen slams her door, refuses to talk, and cannot fathom why you don't have the time or resources to buy her a new dance dress, know that with time the appreciation and understanding will surface.
Eventually they will grow, mature, and meet all those expectations, but in the meantime enjoy the adventure and learn what to realistically expect when you're way past expecting.
One of the most common mistakes I see parents make revolves around the expectations they have for their kids no matter the age. If you expect your two-year old to sit quietly through dinner at a restaurant, not gonna happen. You're obviously expecting too much. If you expect your teen to grasp the concept and appreciate all that you have sacrificed for them as a parent, again not gonna happen until they themselves grow up, live, and learn. Both are examples where parents have set themselves and their children up for failure because their expectations are not realistic for the average kid. Children feel confused or lost and parents tend to feel angry or disappointed.
Having said that, pushing your children to do and be their best is vital, but when you continue to create these unachievable expectations no one wins or succeeds. Enjoy your bundles of joy. When he's using his spaghetti to make silly faces for the other patrons and cries when you scold him, chalk it up to creativity and building his personality. When your teen slams her door, refuses to talk, and cannot fathom why you don't have the time or resources to buy her a new dance dress, know that with time the appreciation and understanding will surface.
Eventually they will grow, mature, and meet all those expectations, but in the meantime enjoy the adventure and learn what to realistically expect when you're way past expecting.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Are You the Bully?
Now that school is back and rolling along the topic of bullying is a popular discussion, but let's think of this scenario in a relationship perspective. Are you are bully in your marriage? When you think of a bully, the mental picture painted is usually the big kid on the play ground verbally picking on an innocent victim and stealing his lunch money, leaving that poor little guy or girl feeling defenseless and angry.
In an ideal world a relationship would resemble a cooperative team, where you both work at an equal level to achieve the same goal: success. At times even in a relationship a power struggle can develop causing one partner to pick on the other to demonstrate power and boost their self-confidence. Have you ever had an argument with your partner and absolutely refused to budge on the verdict, as well as refused to even listen to their complaint and even became angry, irritated, and frustrated when they dared to bring up the topic? Yep, that was bullying. To prove your power and seniority you picked on your partner like the play ground bully, took away their possibility of a compromise (lunch money), and left them feeling helpless and of course angry.
Here's your ah-ha moment. Even the bully can learn a lesson from his mistake and become a team player. When an inner struggle of self-worth, self-esteem, or self-confidence arises be aware of who's on your side, team up and enjoy the play times in life.
In an ideal world a relationship would resemble a cooperative team, where you both work at an equal level to achieve the same goal: success. At times even in a relationship a power struggle can develop causing one partner to pick on the other to demonstrate power and boost their self-confidence. Have you ever had an argument with your partner and absolutely refused to budge on the verdict, as well as refused to even listen to their complaint and even became angry, irritated, and frustrated when they dared to bring up the topic? Yep, that was bullying. To prove your power and seniority you picked on your partner like the play ground bully, took away their possibility of a compromise (lunch money), and left them feeling helpless and of course angry.
Here's your ah-ha moment. Even the bully can learn a lesson from his mistake and become a team player. When an inner struggle of self-worth, self-esteem, or self-confidence arises be aware of who's on your side, team up and enjoy the play times in life.
Friday, August 5, 2011
School Days Are Here Again
Back to school means big changes for some. Whether it be having to get used to and comfortable with a brand new teacher, facing the first day of school as the "little fish in a big pond", or even having to make the adjustment from parent of a teen to parent of a college student. Autumn brings about change and transformation for so many families, and with these differences come stress and fear.
Kids deal with this fear and anxiety in several ways. Don't be surprised if your little one visits the time-out stool a few extra times before school starts or even comes up with one of those ill-timed stomach or headaches the first day of school. Adjusting can be difficult for these little ones, and while they may not recognize what they're feeling and why you can be aware, understanding, and help ease their fears of the unknown.
Walking into high school for the first time and trying to figure out where to go, who's the cool kid, and what teachers to avoid can be overwhleming. I'm sure you remember those days when you wish you could have stayed under the safety of your covers and never face the bullies. These are prime times for acne break outs and even more hair-pulling mood swings which require much patience and empathy on the part of the parent.
And of course, for some Fall brings the realization that your baby is all grown up, and it doesn't hit you until you're standing in their dorm room surrounded by giddy co-eds and explaining for the hundreth time how to operate the machines at the laundry mat. Don't be surprised if you find yourself walking around the house, fighting back tears, and looking for dirty dishes to clean and music to turn down. These times may be the most difficult, but also the most life changing. Now's the time to find yourself not as mom/dad, but as a person.
School days are here again! Are you ready?
Kids deal with this fear and anxiety in several ways. Don't be surprised if your little one visits the time-out stool a few extra times before school starts or even comes up with one of those ill-timed stomach or headaches the first day of school. Adjusting can be difficult for these little ones, and while they may not recognize what they're feeling and why you can be aware, understanding, and help ease their fears of the unknown.
Walking into high school for the first time and trying to figure out where to go, who's the cool kid, and what teachers to avoid can be overwhleming. I'm sure you remember those days when you wish you could have stayed under the safety of your covers and never face the bullies. These are prime times for acne break outs and even more hair-pulling mood swings which require much patience and empathy on the part of the parent.
And of course, for some Fall brings the realization that your baby is all grown up, and it doesn't hit you until you're standing in their dorm room surrounded by giddy co-eds and explaining for the hundreth time how to operate the machines at the laundry mat. Don't be surprised if you find yourself walking around the house, fighting back tears, and looking for dirty dishes to clean and music to turn down. These times may be the most difficult, but also the most life changing. Now's the time to find yourself not as mom/dad, but as a person.
School days are here again! Are you ready?
Friday, July 22, 2011
It's Time to Push!
Goal-setting is a wonderful way to motivate yourself and see progress in all areas of your life. When thinking about these aspirations, it’s always important to create detailed, objective, obtainable goals just out of your reach and push yourself for success. You’ve heard the saying: “If it was easy everyone would do it.” Now’s your time to shine.
It’s helpful to have a “push partner” as well. Teamwork can generate accountability, positive reinforcement for your efforts, and of course venting sessions when you’ve hit a rough patch. Finding someone who has a similar vision or target can keep you on track and form a little constructive competition. If your goal is to lose weight, find an exercise buddy. If your goal is parent related, join a parenting group.
Sadly, I’m losing my own push partner in the near future and now realizing how effective it has been to have someone with the same vision dreaming with me, laboring with me, motivating me, overall pushing me, and reaching those goals with me. I highly recommend one!
It’s helpful to have a “push partner” as well. Teamwork can generate accountability, positive reinforcement for your efforts, and of course venting sessions when you’ve hit a rough patch. Finding someone who has a similar vision or target can keep you on track and form a little constructive competition. If your goal is to lose weight, find an exercise buddy. If your goal is parent related, join a parenting group.
Sadly, I’m losing my own push partner in the near future and now realizing how effective it has been to have someone with the same vision dreaming with me, laboring with me, motivating me, overall pushing me, and reaching those goals with me. I highly recommend one!
Mother-Daughter Dynamic
What is it about the infamous mother/daughter duo that creates such friction? Is it because we are too similar? Too different? Some sort of unconscious, Freudian rivalry? I wish I had an answer... I'm sure there would be a bestseller in the works to cure all mother/daughter tangles. So how do we take a relationship that has so many underlying snarls, nourish it, and create an amazing mother & daughter crime-fighting, cookie-baking, man-taming team?
I think the initial key is perspective. Obviously, coming from seperate generations and different milestones in life it may be strenuous to see the other's perspective and understand their point of view no matter the situation (or argument). This ability is difficult to master in any working relationship, but throw in a double deck of female hormones and it gets down right impossible.
While I don't have an extensive answer to this age old question or simple step by step solution, I will leave all you moms and daughters with this: Patience is truly a virtue and respect is most definitely earned. Have patience with your mom/kiddo no matter how old or young they are and respect their opinion and position... even when you adamantly disagree.
I think the initial key is perspective. Obviously, coming from seperate generations and different milestones in life it may be strenuous to see the other's perspective and understand their point of view no matter the situation (or argument). This ability is difficult to master in any working relationship, but throw in a double deck of female hormones and it gets down right impossible.
While I don't have an extensive answer to this age old question or simple step by step solution, I will leave all you moms and daughters with this: Patience is truly a virtue and respect is most definitely earned. Have patience with your mom/kiddo no matter how old or young they are and respect their opinion and position... even when you adamantly disagree.
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