Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer!

Summertime is here! Like your kids are you giddy with delight that the season of fun is upon us? Probably not, because unlike your kids you have responsibilities, relationships, bills, career, childcare, and everything else to deal with that comes with adult life. Oh, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a whole season devoted to sunshine, video games, and sleeping in. Dream on, but in the meantime you can still enjoy some summer fun!
Learn how to play again. Despite all the real-world stressors that comes with life, there's always time for some good, old-fashioned fun. Enjoy time with your family and introduce a new board game to the household, let your guard down, and be silly for awhile. Or go to the park, and instead of sitting on the bench and watching, join in and work up a sweat, then reward the family with snowcones. You can always end the day with a homemade tent in the livingroom fully loaded with popcorn and a movie.

Enjoy your season of fun!

6 Key Steps for Healthy Communication

1.   Think Before You Speak:

Always know what you want to say and how you want to say it, or better yet, how you want it to be perceived. 

2.   Be Aware of Non-Verbals:

Be aware also that communication consists of visual cues as well.  Good eye contact, calm posture and facial expressions can aid in creating a smooth conversation with less self-defense.

3.   Pick the Time and Place:

You wouldn’t propose at a McDonald’s would you? Then you probably don’t want to hold a serious conversation in the wrong setting either.

4.   Listen:

After you have said your peace, wait and listen for accurate feedback and cues that ensure comprehension.  If your point was not perceived correctly the first time don’t get frustrated.  Communication is a two-way street, try again.

5.   Take a Time Out:

Time outs are not just for the kids.  When an intense conversation becomes a bit  heated, avoid saying something you will regret.  Take a break from the situation, cool down, and return when you both are ready and able.

6. Come to an Agreement:

Once you have been able to discuss your point and understand the other’s perspective, come to a common conclusion. You can even agree to disagree

On the Offense, Not the Defense!

Defense mechanisms are techniques we use during stressful, angry, overwhelming, or guilty situations, and most commonly used in relationships as a way to maintain self-image and avoid a painful reality. Some of these may sound familiar to you, so which defensive play do you call when you're trying to cope or avoid painful emotions?

DENIAL- Denying that a painful event occurred or a problem exists is the most primitive and simplistic of the defense mechanisms. “We’re fine. Never been happier!”

RATIONALIZATION- How often have you made an excuse for something you did, or said knowing it was wrong? Rationalizing helps ease the guilt factor.

DISPLACEMENT- One of the most popular ways to cope with anger or stress is to take it out on someone else. For instance, say you had a horrible day at work and would really like to tell your boss “take this job and shove it”, but instead you go home and yell at your spouse for not taking out the trash.

PROJECTION- “They’re the ones with the problem.” Blaming others for your own destructive thoughts takes the bulls-eye off your back in an attempt to save your self-image.

REGRESSION- When your teenager, or even in extreme cases your adult spouse begins acting like your two-year old when they don’t get their way they are simply regressing to a rudimentary form of coping.

REACTION FORMATION- Kill them with kindness, would be another way to explain it. Some are unable to acknowledge or express their own anger or negativity, so in turn they act the complete opposite, masking their destructive thoughts.

REPRESSION- Burying one's negative thoughts or memories is one of the most controversial mechanisms, as it is thought to be done unconsciously and is uncontrolled, protecting yourself from trauma. Maybe not a defense mechanism used in everyday activity, but repression should still be acknowledged.

COMPENSATION- “My house may be a mess, but my family and I have lots of fun.” Playing up one attribute to overcompensate for the lack of another is very popular. And this does not only pertain to bedroom jokes, but also in everyday life to avoid a negative reality.