On the Offense, Not the Defense!

Defense mechanisms are techniques we use during stressful, angry, overwhelming, or guilty situations, and most commonly used in relationships as a way to maintain self-image and avoid a painful reality. Some of these may sound familiar to you, so which defensive play do you call when you're trying to cope or avoid painful emotions?

DENIAL- Denying that a painful event occurred or a problem exists is the most primitive and simplistic of the defense mechanisms. “We’re fine. Never been happier!”

RATIONALIZATION- How often have you made an excuse for something you did, or said knowing it was wrong? Rationalizing helps ease the guilt factor.

DISPLACEMENT- One of the most popular ways to cope with anger or stress is to take it out on someone else. For instance, say you had a horrible day at work and would really like to tell your boss “take this job and shove it”, but instead you go home and yell at your spouse for not taking out the trash.

PROJECTION- “They’re the ones with the problem.” Blaming others for your own destructive thoughts takes the bulls-eye off your back in an attempt to save your self-image.

REGRESSION- When your teenager, or even in extreme cases your adult spouse begins acting like your two-year old when they don’t get their way they are simply regressing to a rudimentary form of coping.

REACTION FORMATION- Kill them with kindness, would be another way to explain it. Some are unable to acknowledge or express their own anger or negativity, so in turn they act the complete opposite, masking their destructive thoughts.

REPRESSION- Burying one's negative thoughts or memories is one of the most controversial mechanisms, as it is thought to be done unconsciously and is uncontrolled, protecting yourself from trauma. Maybe not a defense mechanism used in everyday activity, but repression should still be acknowledged.

COMPENSATION- “My house may be a mess, but my family and I have lots of fun.” Playing up one attribute to overcompensate for the lack of another is very popular. And this does not only pertain to bedroom jokes, but also in everyday life to avoid a negative reality.